"you never really know what God is to you until all you have is God"
After some reflection, i guess my four years in secondary school has taught me this. it was definitely a plan of God for me.still remembered clearly, the time i went into secondary one. i thought to myself,"i am a big boy now, no more a primary school kid." what i was looking for in my secondary school life was summarised in 1 word at that time. FREEDOM. indeed, i have attained the freedom that i want, so much so i started mixing around with the wrong company, often having problems with other people and acting as if the world belongs to you. i very much wanted to do all the things that a world wanted to do, smoke, pierce my tongue, pierce my ear to make myself more "hole-ly".when i started to get into the wrong company i continued hurling vulgarities, sometimes with a combo! i had a very close girlfriend whom i met in a piano class, she provided me with "back-ups" ,so to say. i called on them when i got into individual fights. i didn't really see them because they said that if one more time they find me then they would come down. apparantly, the next time didn't happen. i got into fights, threatening people who called me names, throwing chairs,almost picked up smoking. it was God's grace, i didn't go to an extent whereby i really pierced my tongue or ear and to smoke.Even so, i had many enemies, i didn't have friends. since growing up in a church, it had an impact in my life.God has been preserving me from this world, he kept me safe. my turning point was at the end of sec one, when i was touched by my parent's love and also my conscience. i asked myself if this was the type of life i really wanted. and if my worldly parents loved me this much, how much more would my Creator, my Heavenly Father love me?
pslam 139:13 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."
i decided for a change.
i attended YF and that was when i was encouraged to change with aid of many brothers and sisters. encouragements, time and effort. these are all the angels God placed in my life to guide me.the theme of my first YF camp was surrounding "how to be salt and light for the world." i could slowly see the love of God, His guidance in my life. Secondary two was a year of change, the ultimate turning point in my life. i stopped my vulgarities. many people often say it is hard to abstain, but when i prayed and determined, i did it almost immediately. thank God! i started to lose friends, since i did not really fit in, but i treasured my brothers and sisters in church and God in my life. i started to feel a little bit lonely at the end of sec 2. soon, in sec 3, i found myself in a state whereby i become close to called lonely. i had people who betrayed my trust. i was often encouraged by brothers and sisters that we should set apart for God and even though we face trials, persevere. it was a really tough time,it only got worse in sec 4. like i said, i didn't have friends, but i would say, i had many many companions. i realised the big difference in friends and companions. in sec 3 and sec 4, i had soon began to feel lonely and ever since i have always relied on God. as time goes by, lessons after lessons, i have learnt from the teachings of God in my everyday life.
up till the day i graduated from my secondary school, i would say i hated my school life. but on the contrary, i thank God for it. through my lonliness, i've started to see God in my life. whenever i am lonely i would think of God. indeed, what a friend we have in Jesus. He was there by my side in my everyday life, He walks with me, He talks to me, even through my deepest days. even when sometimes i wanted to give life up, He was there.
DEUT 31:6 " ....He will never leave you nor forsake you"
i believed.
after four years, i have come to realise, that God had a lesson for me to learn. besides the small lessons through the way, on the big picture, He wanted me to learn to Rely on Him and He wanted to be part of my life. He knocks on my heart's door, never did He leave. until i opened and to let Him in. i found Joy that i never could find. after graduation, i have seen that God is part of my life already and everyday, i am ready to entrust matters unto His hand. for He has a plan, a plan to prosper me, and not to harm me. God means so much to me today, because i have been through the darkest days, sin, loneliness, heartbreaks. He was there. i didn't have much support of Humans, i didn't feel appreciated by people, people didn't understand me.sometimes even brothers and sisters, parents, may not even understand you, how you feel, but He was there. i was wronged, i hated being wronged. but God was there, there was hope for justice since God was Just! i lead a miserable life physically for 4 long years. spiritually, God was with me. He had hold onto my hand, brought me through it all. He answered my prayers. today, God means so much to me, God is my rock, my salvation whom i take refuge in. i place my trust in Him, i have faith in Him. i was delievered. He forgave my sins, the sins that was so detestable in His eyes, the sin that brought man away from the Holy God. not only did he forgive me, He has lead me out of it, He has protected me, preserved me, up till today. 4 years was worth while, knowing Him a little better.
when all i had was Him, i know today how much He means to me. what about you?