searching through my old documents in dad's hard drive... i thought after losing my thumbdrive, it meant that i lost the last piece of memory that Jess left behind? was it really the last? somehow i wish it isn't...it so late at night...suppose to be sleeping by now..but just keep on thinking. i read through the chat logs... i realised i truly loved her deeply for who she is...but as time passes on and on again...it suddenly felt so cold... this quietness is deafening, this coldness is burning me... its just bitter sweet to relieve the beautiful memories we had created. was it a mistake to YOU that we both got close? what happened? why the coldness? was it because of my foolish decision. the decision that totally screw my life upside down...why? WHY? i cannot understand why. i feel very angry with myself today...that decision destroyed a r/s that was so very precious to me. and it led me to sin. WHY? i really cannot get it. why did i make such a foolish decision. to leave GOD, to leave Her, to even put aside my values for stupid worldly desires.. i've never stopped loving her. i've never. but i just did something that i am really sorry for..i feel so bitter tonight. somehow i remebered our memories we had, i am waiting for her dream to really come true. wonder if she even remembers. or was it a mistake? a mistake she did not want to repeat, so that explains the coldness...

Girl, you might have changed in certain ways, but i know who you are, even how much you change, i know that the real you is still inside you somewhere.... we have distant...and this distant is pressing against me...even through the coldness of your eyes and speech, i know you are still you...you are the one i was infactuated with, and you were the one that i fell in love with...until now, i've done you so much wrong...i'm sorry. one thing that you really could do, is to trust me again. trust me just this last time. just trust me that i love you...never was there a day that i've never thought of you.

tonight is just 2 weeks and 6 days to my o lvls... im trying hard to concentrate. i will be doing well. for the Lord will strengthen me.. i pray. when i look back at this blog, i want to know that i've given my best for my o lvls. and leaving no stone unturn. for i am Strengthened by the creator of this world. even though things happen, the Lord delievers me. Dear Lord, as i commit my relationship to you. MAY YOUR WILL BE DONE. AMEN.

another great day...having faith...being faithful in my faith...absorbed so much, im motivated to go out there tomorrow back to school, stronger than ever, studying harder than ever, and glorifying God more than ever! i know i am going to face disappointments, but i know , O Lord, You will guide me! You will deliever me... for You are my refuge, and never will You leave me. Thanks be to God!

hmmm...sometimes we procrastinate so much, we have already lost a dear brother or a sister.. i haven't done my part as a group member, nor a member of caring team...i guess i've learnt my lesson!
dear Leslie! im sorry for neglecting you sometimes! man! to think what i've done i am guilty! hope you continue out there striving for the Lord yeah!i'll pray for you!


did some reflections on the way home today....my flaws that i see myself in, that i have to change. they are, to be
HUMBLE
TO SERVE GOD WITH NO NEEDS OF RECOGNITION
CARE AND LOVE FOR ALL
NOT CHOOSING WHO TO LOVE.
THE WAY I WALK
TO HAVE FAITH
TO BE FAITHFUL TO GOD
ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE

so many more but...everyday we're sanctified...through stregthening from God, i will be able to change to become an onward Christian Soldier. shining for God!

-SG!

i think im such an annoyance ! not only do i annoy others, i annoy myself sometimes...hmmm...if im such an annoyance, why should i be here...? hmmm...was just thinking about it last night...slept around 3 am thinking! well i figured that this blog would keep track of my important thoughts and on day, when i look bakc, i know what my thoughts are.. oh wells...and one day, if i never make it through a night or day, someone would eventually find this blog, and read all my post...or...maybe not...since im such an annoyance...hargh! somethings wrong with me! oh well

if i nvr made it to see a sunset or a sunrise one day...just know that i'll be in a better place...waiting for all my beloved ones there...i really hope so...hmmm... anyway! i shall treasure all sunrise and sun sets from now!! my aim is to see 99 sunsets/sunrise before i leave....well...yes! its true i wont be counting it! but 99? why 99? cause the day i see a sunset/sunrise with her, strawberry girl, thats my hundreth. oh well...it may never come true, or it may....nobody knows!God knows! Godbless ya'll!
love,
me

somehow, i feel im here again at another crossroad. i guess i haven't really been what i really am at ubin. just dislike even my behaviour at times, donno why am i doing things like that and to serve what purpose. its just a change of mood, perhaps the hormones. last night at ubin, i suddenly felt depressed. to that extend, i dno why...was happy for the whole day, then suddenly like depressed, weird hormonal mood changes. hah.. doubt it was because i was tired...but more of...sadness i guess...went for a walk, felt better.. i think the night atmosphere is really good to soothe the mind i guess... hmmm....

do i really love you that much?

somehow, i think i really love her to a certain extend that i am able to at the current point and situation. i shall not commit so soon, however, what i know is that, i would wait for you, and persevere through. whether we become together or not, i know full well, i love you and no regrets for my effort and my time spent.
love!

24/6/2010(incase blogger gets the date wrong, to look back and remember what i've said, not to anyone, but to myself):)

i'd like to say, i miss you...
appreciate and love your presence, but missed your inner-self...guess we've never really spoken like we used to....
but...
im ever in love with you...as since...

SG

you never know what Jesus is to you until Jesus is all that you have..

life has been a screw up sometime recently...only to find thoughts in my mind becoming more depressing. Lloyd says its because i am growing up.. puberty.haha~ always joking around that man! hah...
somehow, i feel i may not be able to make it through O levels...got to study harder....
God will take care of the next day..continually remind myself that....how impatience ruin me the last time....its not going to happen ever again....trust in God, and His will. i believe..His will would be shown! i will wait...even if it means i'll never get to your heart, i'll wait and obey God's will.